Relationship goals 

Relationship Goals
In the past year or so meme’s or ‘relationship goal’ have been going around social media. Mainly made up of celebrities and some whom have found insta fame. Now there’s nothing with aspiring to be in a good relationship but people are taking a snap shot of their life. Beyoncé figures quite a lot, the good, she in a relationship with a man gives her the room to continue her career whilst himself being an aspirational and driven man. Then you hear the stories in the papers of all he dark side. We will never the full truth to it, same goes for anyone’s relationship.  

 

Recently me and my partner were out with a group of people whom were single. We did nothing special to each other that night except enjoy each other’s company as we usually do at home. It was particularly when we were dancing together and she was saying ‘aww I love you guy, relationship goals’ I like compliments but my first thought was but you don’t know everything we have done and been through to get here, or that in the morning we had an argument. We work on our relationship, we make time to do and watch things together, we do argue from time to time, he does annoy me as do I annoy him at times, BUT we both want this relationship, our arguments are nothing serious, more petty as living with someone can be. We’re open with each other, he is my best friend. And. I wondered if she know the whole picture, would we still be her relationship goals. 
Most the meme’s are of matching shoes, cars and watches which I think is cheesy, now I like cheese, but I wouldn’t base it as my relationship goal. Others are just because their two high profile people how haven’t done anything. Yet be together, I don’t get these. There’s a young lady who needs to love herself (another topic, another day) who gyrates on camera for insta fame, who put a video of her a male friend (I assume) dancing and being silly, and that got a ‘relationship goal’ meme. Now, being able to be silly with each other is something you should be able to do in a relationship, but to snap shot it, their was no love in the picture. 
I think the meme’s annoy me as their posted by girls who seem to have no thought of the future but only able to see what’s happening now. Snap shots can not define a relationship or sum it up in one picture. I assume they are all posted by singletons and the people I know who are in relationships don’t post these, heck they in fact keep their love live personal, with the odd picture. There’s nothing to prove, so there’s no need to flood timelines with ‘look at us’ pictures as they know what they have and don’t need no validation from social networks.  
Don’t get me wrong it’s good to know and strive for good thing in a relationship, as it shouldn’t be anything less, but when your seemingly blue printing your relationship on others or celebrities then your setting yourself up to fail. Relationships aren’t about having someone to take pictures with, there about love, trust, friendship and they take work. 

Food Envy

Food envy

Now I’m not gonna talk culinary skills, I’m talking about who you go out to eat and you want what someone else has to eat.

Recently I’ve been getting the case of food envy. There’s nothing wrong with the food I’ve chosen, it still taste really nice. But I look over to whomever I’m with and think ‘maybe I should of got that’

For my anniversary me and my partner when out to a restaurant called duck and waffle, and the menu was full of foods I’m not used to ( I’m a very picky eater) and even the drinks was a hard choice. Drinks came and even though it sounded nice on the menu, mine was a bit strong for me and my partner ended swapping drinks. (Drink envy). Then onto the food, I got calamari and chorizo, two things I’m used to eating, my partner got the signature dish of a duck leg on a bit of waffle with an egg on top. Now when the food came, even though mine did look delicious, I did secretly wish I had ordered the same. Lucky I did get to taste his dish, which only confirmed my food envy.

When out to eat I tend to stick to what I know as I don’t want to pay for something that I won’t like, so when dinning out I can be less adventurous as my dinner partners. But this doesn’t stop me from thinking I should of ordered that. When being seated and waiting for my order to be taken I try to see what other people are eating to get ideas of what to eat.

Another time I was plagued with food envy was when out for a team lunch at work, we went to this place called ‘kin’. I couldn’t make up my mind as to whether play it safe or try a new dish. I have had dumplings at our office picnic (these were free to try) and liked them, but wasn’t sure if I could take on a whole dish. So I went with safe. Then here comes the food, everyone else’s looked good and so came on the food envy, I sat their thinking I should of ordered the other dish, everyone else’s looked soooo good.  And I was sitting being safe Sarah, with my Singapore noodles, wishing I’d been a bit more daring.

I can be a bit indecisive at times, especially going to a new restaurant. And it doesn’t help having the waiters hovering around. It gets even worse when I look at a menu and don’t know what anything is on there. These factors don’t help curve my food envy, but right now I don’t think it matters. I could go to my favourite restaurant and know exactly what I’m going to order and will still want what someone else is having. I’m doing the I want everything and don’t want to miss out on anything routine. How long this will last, dunno, but  I hope it ends soon, Cause I feel the need to go back and order what they did.

No Negativity Please.

I’m on a path of love and positive energy.  I only want people who are drama free, wanting to live a good life, interested in bettering them self’s and others and exuding GOOD vibes.

All good being the friend that listens, but all that investing in someone else’s issues impacts on your life.  I’ve had people removed from my life and in that instant I feel like a weight has been lifted, I take on their worries, their emotion and feelings of despair,  and in the moment of their removal I feel much better. I’ve had people who enjoy in others misfortunes, who feed on that energy to make themselves feel better. Now apart from them it’s almost as you can see all this negative energy eating away at them, they look tired and gaunt.

As much as feels bad to turn my back on these people, it has been of their own doing. They have pushed the universe to remove them from my life as I’m a thankful daily for the loving, kind and thoughtful friends I have. I’m grateful for the people whom inspire me to achieve and push myself. There are only so many chances you can give a person and relationships. I read a quote the other day that resonated with me ‘Don’t ever underestimate the actions of a person that’s fed up. Last chances don’t come with warnings’ . I could relate, as actions showed me, whereas their words bared no meaning. They were not congruent in their words, so my soul did not hear it. My gut showed what it really was and for that my conscious self will not participate.  If you bring me nothing but misery, stay away. If you bring misery with the odd day of happiness, it’s not worth it. So they say misery loves company.

I want to exude love and glow with positivity and gratitude. I want to bring happiness to your life. I want to impact you and your life in a positive way. My friends make me feel uplifted and in a euphoric mood after spending time with them.  These are the people I would like to have around my children that I will have one day and be a positive in their future. I admire my friends and am so proud of them. I should be able to talk highly of my friends.

I am happy for the people whom have remained in my life, for those that have been removed, it has happened for a reason.

Not always will it be easy to stay away from negativity, but I chose to be positive and exist in Love.

Kimona xxxx

Is she wearing a wig?

I love wigs. I’m not one for dying and cutting my hair into the latest style. In fact I’ve never cut my hair into a style, or had it permanently dyed. I did once try a wash in wash out dye, but it never worked in my hair. But I would buy a wig. The ease of the change from one day to the next.  I own about 8 pieces. 3 full wigs, a half wig and a few attachments.  You get to change your style without making the commitment, if you don’t like it, take it off.  It also helps to know which styles suit you. I don’t think a short straight style suits me, but it could be the sheer shock of the difference. Also I like shopping for a wig, I think wig shopping is fun; it’s almost like playing dress up, well for me.

Do I tell people I’m wearing a wig? Nah, but if they ask I will say, ‘yes I am wearing a wig’.  I don’t feel no shame in wearing wigs. Certain wigs, most people can’t tell if it’s real or not. Now don’t get me wrong, my hair is lovely I like my hair. But sometimes I just want a different colour or style. It’s also great in the winter as it’s like wearing a hat.

It’s a normal thing for black women to wear weaves, wigs, extension; and for white girls to stick extensions in their hair. So I don’t see why I can’t wear a wig if I want to. Just because I don’t need too, doesn’t mean I don’t want to, who as little girl didn’t like dressing up.  It helps me with my confidence as when I put my ‘kimona’ wig on, I become kimona. The bossy, confidently, no fucks given, I do what I do.

Sometimes I want straight hair, but don’t want to damage my own hair, or because I can’t be bothered to sit and straighten my own hair for the next 2 hours, so I put on a wig. Now I don’t wear my wigs 24/7 365 days a year. Rarely do I even spend 12 hours in one.  Cause you have to be careful as the clips can damage your delicate hair on your head. I like to wear attachments as you get to have a ponytail without damaging the ends as their neatly tucked away from the weather and from rubbing on your clothes. I’m more likely to wear my pieces in the winter than summer for those reasons.

I would like to get a blond wig, just to see what I would look like as a blond, a platinum blond even.

My ultimate wig that I would like to get is a full long curly auburn red wig.

Hair is a funny subject. Some people don’t like to admit if they wear wigs, maybe because they wear it out of necessity and not for fun.  I don’t buy lace front wigs as I don’t want to glue wigs constantly on and off, it’s not good for the hair line.  Now hair lines are a funny thing. If they get messed up, your head will look funny, your forehead will look humongous. This is not something I would want to mess up. So I’ll stick to my fringed front wigs. Thank you.

Will I stop wearing the odd wig here and there, probably not. Their my lazy day hairstyles, my want a straight  do today, short and curly tomorrow, my I fancy a fringe today or a long pony tail to my butt. Such ease. I love them.

My Wigs:

  

  

  

  

  My Natural Hair:

Pot of Gold (Stones of Gratitude)

I decided that I would make my very own pot of gold.  Something  I could look at on a daily basis that would remind me what I’m grateful for and what I would like to attract to my life.

I decided to do this for three reasons; in honour of St Patrick’s day, to brighten up my desk at work and most importantly they will be my stones of gratitude. Working week days I spend more of my time in the vicinity of work than I do at home. That’s 9 hours to 5 awake hours at home.  It’s not a work life balance I am content with.  Theses stone are to remind me of my dreams and aspirations to be able to have the work / life balance I desire.  They are a visual and physical reminder, because at any point during the day I can look at them, touch them, heck I can even make them my screen saver on my phone, iPad and laptop.  The key is to keep focus on what you want.

The secret teaches us that we attract what we put out, and at church, how can you ask God for more if you’re not even grateful for what he’s given you already. These stones will help me to be grateful every time I look or they catch my eye.

How I made my pot of gold (stones of gratitude)

First. I found my pot, this can be anything you want. I choose a clear glass pot as it looks pretty, and if my pot isn’t full with gold at first I can see what’s in, there instead of seeing that my pot is not filled to the brim.  I like to re-use and candles usually come in nice glasses, so I get to smell the candle and get use of the pot. (My candle was from lids’ £3.99

Other grate places to look for a dual purpose candle would be T K Maxx)

Next I had to find your stones and the gold paint. You can get any size and shape you like. If you want to put importance or your more happy for one particular thing, then there is no reason not to get a bigger stone. (I got my stones from hobby craft along with my gold acrylic paint.)

I’ve left my stones blank, as what I’m grateful for is ever changing. I also get to think every time, what am I grateful for and feel it as I come up with the words.  If you wanted to, You can buy stones with the words pre etched for you or vinyl decals to stick on., both of these can be found on Etsy.  I decided to paint the stones gold as gold signifies longevity, can’t be broken down easily and value. Think of all of this why you paint your stones.

Once dry, just pop them into your pot  and voilà, your very own pop of gold. Now it’s up to you whether you want to do a rainbow. Maybe have one that you can add and take away. And when it rains metaphorically, place the rainbow in your pot of gold to signify that after the rain comes, the rainbow appears with the pot of gold at the end. This will help you to stay positive throughout the rough times.

And this is the reason why I have mine at work, because I spend 50% of my time there and it is where I feel the most demoralised. It’s where I think about my aspirations and dreams. Where I need to most encouragement to think it will happen and feel as though it has.

For me to achieve my dreams, I need to keep motivated. And it is hard if you keep demotivating yourself at work.
You attract what you are thinking, Think positive thoughts and the universe will have to give you more things to be positive about.

Kimona. xx

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In search of that good feeling

February – the time of the year where love comes into main focus.

Are we a generation of lost love?

The stereotypical gentleman is far and few, but then where are the ladies for these gentlemen? Men will do what a woman will allow them to get away with, so if one let’s him degrade her, is he more likely to see this as a general consensus. But if he dates a woman who respects herself, a man will have to respect her. He will then learn what type of woman will be a good time fun girl and which will be a woman whom he could be with and potentially marry.

We are creatures of learned habits. As children when we are told not do something repeatedly, we learn not to do it again. Same goes for adults, we are constantly learning throughout our lives. In new friendships, relationships and work. We learn what we can and can’t do.

So do males no longer feel the need to live up to the stereotypical male roles as females have come so far in equality and feminism empowerment? Are we no longer allowing men to treat women, with love and kindness as we can now do it all for our self’s. We don’t have to rely on a man to pay our bills or bring in the food money. We can do it all, be the breadwinner, raise our kids and have a life.

A culture of ‘hit it and quit it’, sidepieces and links mixed with get what u can financially and store evidence. Now I’m not saying these have never been around before, but with social integration being so net based, it seems more visible to be commented on and joked about.
No one seems interested in the picture of the loving couple, they get enjoyment out of seeing half naked girls taking pictures for likes, and screen shots of people getting turned down or exposed. Or the picture with ‘bea’ but you can’t see their face as their girlfriend might find out.

It’s almost you can’t be seen doing something nice unless it’s for your wife, but even this isn’t a barrier that some women respect. We always known men will try their luck, but women these days seem so much brazen in getting the man or the money.

Does it all stem from heartbreak, resentment and bitterness.

It seems the norm for the younger generation to have a ‘main’ and a sidepiece. Commonly mocked on social media, but I have heard of girls who accept this, how can any woman who respects herself, be wiling to be in a relationship as a ‘Main’ and know that her partner may have or does have another girlfriend basically, are they trying to sugar coat it? If a man loves you, there isn’t any other woman he should want, if he can’t be faithful and loyal, he is not deserving of your time, body, energy and most of all love. Basic instinct is what dives a man to spread his seed, but love will allow him to understand that yes one day we will all be dead but I do not need to sleep with every female to ensure my species will live on. But this instinct is just what it is, basic and humans have evolved and we have knowledge.

I wonder because some single mums have not experienced how a partner should treat them; are they unable to show their kids what a loving relationship looks like? Will they hold bitter resentment for their child’s father and then pass on the inability to love and be loved. To say a man should not be wrapped up in his woman because she didn’t raise him like that, does this stem from what she did not receive? I believe both partners should be wrapped up, under thumb, whipped with each other. This way you do both compromise, if I only one person always compromised, the relationship will not work, truly. This can pass down many generations and not be fixed. Thus creating more single mums with the inability to show what love is. But then there is the woman who was strong enough to say I’m leaving because this isn’t how I deserved to be treated as a partner and the mother of your child. We learn what we think is a ‘successful’ relationship from our parents. If they stay together but are not happy and hurt each other, we will think this is the norm, this will likely be the relationship you will end up in and be content with. If a child is constantly seeing either parent with a flow of the opposite sex, are the more likely to have a string of partners?

Or is it just we don’t any focus on love anymore. It seems everyone wants to fool around, no strings attached. Lay down with a woman but have no intentions of being a father to a child that may be conceived. It’s seems like we’re so comfortable with becoming single parents. I think having a child is a far bigger commitment than getting married. If the marriage doesn’t work you can get a divorce in our western culture, if you want too. Go your separate ways and never have to see each other again. But have a child and you are tied to each other for life. When the child gets ill, gets married or has a child themselves. Of course the are the exceptions where farther and in cases mothers will not have anything to do with their child. These people should have more proactive in making sure they didn’t have children. But many girls are choosing to have babies with boys who they know aren’t going to be around.

Do we really know what love is? Do we even want to find it? Have we all been broken and judge to many times and scared that we may actually find it.
As said in gentlemen prefer blonds, Lorelei lee wants to marry a man with money, not because she’s a gold digger, but because with money, they can concentrate on loving one another. “Don’t you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You may not marry a girl just because she is pretty, but, my goodness, doesn’t it help? And if you had a daughter, wouldn’t you rather she didn’t marry a poor man? You’d want her to have the most wonderful things in the world and to be very happy. Oh, why is it wrong for me to have those things?” I once read that the devil places all life distractions to obstruct us for loving one another (I.e. Work, party’s, social obligations etc.) but even if you believe in God or not, this is true to today’s living. We’re so tired when we come home from work that it effects home life, which in turn affect how we love each other, and this doesn’t just relate to relationships, it also comes in to it’s own with friendships.

We all want love right!?, but it has to be that pure love, where no one is out to gain. Where we can trust each other, communicate and confide. Where we can be examples to our children, there’s a saying that be the man or woman that you want your child to come home with.

But is this all installed into us from when we are born. We will first want what ours parents have; our children’s movies and programs will back this up. Then we will again see it in our teenage years but with the heartbreak thrown in, in the form of the cheating boyfriend (letting you know that it’s wrong) and in our adult lives, we have copious amounts of romantic movies. I can’t lie; the monogamous relationship is a multi million pound business. Restaurants, gifts, holidays, weddings. All things expected in a relationship, then you’ve got all the holidays where gifts are to be exchanged. We don’t really know the origins, but social pressures dictate we should, also backed up by advertising, media and yup, all the movies and programs we’ve seen since we were little tots. We subconsciously desire it. Through knowledge and not knowing the origins, were happy not to participate, but feel joy if we do receive anything.

But then Greek mythology says were once a creature with two heads and was split apart in two, thus comes your soul mate theory. Do we subconsciously go around trying to find our soul mate?

These are just my thoughts on the subject, theory’s that I wonder if true or not. Love could be more prevalent within different cultures and backgrounds. Being liberal isn’t as ‘pc’ as it used to be. The are still stigmas attached, but yet it seems more accepted.

Love and kindness are missing, and it’s hard to find two people willing love each other and work at keeping the love between them.

X Kimona x

No Balls – Hunting the Coward

No guts, No glory right?

Or is it that people have no balls!

Now you have ballsy people, who will get what they want and say the awkward things that need to be said. And then you have the ones who will avoid you in every way because they don’t have the balls to do what is needed in life or business, cowards.

One can be diplomatic in their dealings and what they say to others, but to outright and practically go in to hibernation, my dear friends is not right. Now the ideal would be to be somewhere just over the middle between the two. No one wants to be a coward, but display too much of the characteristic will lead people not to have faith in you. Be too ballsy and no one wants to work with you as they will feel nothing will ever go their way. Either way, Word travels fast.

The key is knowing when to attack and when to hold back.

So how do you attack the coward with no balls? If receiving communication is seemingly impossible? Without appearing to the world as though you are a stalker?
This situation is unfortunately something many of us will encounter in our lifetimes. The so called friend you’ve lent money to, the logo designed for a company who now have surpassed their credit terms, the business partner who has gone M.I.A, the list could go on.

In this day and age you can’t hide if you have a online presence, so you have to be quick and persistent to catch the coward. Though the coward will ignore all attempts of communication, once social peers become to know what the coward is doing, they risk losing social status and will seemingly attempt to rectify the situation. Trying to get the situation resolved will be tricky with the Coward, as though you have had a small interaction they will not want to meet face to face. Your only solution is to catch the Coward unawares at a social gathering.

Unless in the time you’ve been hunting, they actually grew some balls.

So called January blues

‘January blues’
So this is the time of year where we all are supposed to feel blue.
January is considered as one of the tougher months as you’ve just spent practically all your money on Christmas and pay day seems to take a life time to come.

You’ve eaten huge amounts and perhaps put on a couple of pounds in place you’d rather the food hadn’t found.

It’s cold and you have to get back on the cattle trains to work.

It’s understandable that anyone would feel blue at this time of year!

Most bang on about ‘new year, new you’ but how many will actually change? 
I stopped doing New Year’s resolutions, as more time they are empty promises to yourself. And what’s the point of lying to yourself?

I think it’s good to set goals, you should set yourself goals. Goals are what push us to be better people and improve.  One goal I recently set myself was to smile as strangers instead of giving them the eye.

I want to invest in me, and there’s no law saying u must set one big goal. You can set mini goals, in the end it all helps.

This year I have a clear path that I wish to take and feel very optimistic about the coming year. I have goals, some small and some are bigger. But Life it about the little things, and it’s the little things that add up and make us happy.

I will not be part of the ‘January blues gang’.

I’m Happy.

Kimona xx

Ups and Downs of a twenty-something Woman

So I’m 23, and have a year and a couple weeks till I reach the tipping point of my twenties.  I feel as though I’m stuck in a rut, one day feeling like I’m getting on and need to cement a few major life stages and the next saying to myself I’m still young, and have plenty of time.  So have fun.

When I was a young girl I never really had a set plan of where I’d envisioned myself to be when I reached my twenties.  But I always had my love for performing.  I remember the days when I would be at my grandma’s house and my cousins and I would go off into different rooms, write a song, then regroup and show each other what we wrote.  The times I would sit and watch the box and get inspiration for songs by the tittles.  And the day’s before school when me and my mum would sing along to Mariah Carrey’s Music box album.  Performing was my way of getting attention, being the youngest out of 4.  I would even make dance routines and perform to my parents and their friends.

I had stages of wanting to be a forensic scientist, which come and go.  But never really took school seriously as I knew I wanted to be a performer, the struggling musician.  Something quite romantic about it.  The undying love for music that no matter what you never give up, you just want your songs to be heard.  Meeting with the school careers mentor, she gave me a huge book full of different job possibilities when I told her I wanted to be singer.  Still left school with 11GCSE’s Grades B&C.  The only time I showed interest in a reputable career was college when I wanted to take up Accounts in my second year, but college persuaded me not to, now knowing not for my benefits but for their precious A level pass score.

But my mind flutters, and looking at my close friends, they don’t seem to be stressing about their future.  Not saying I’m not on a good path, I’m doing very well, but is my unrealistic over organised and perfectionist brain thinking I should be 10 steps ahead of where I am now.  On top of that I have the battle between my creative and logical sides. To do music or just solely concentrate on a career less risky and more promising.

I have a five year plan now either way, but you never know what spanner life my want to throw in.  I want to have my children (at least 2) before I’m 30, but need to be in a relationship for a couple years prior as you need to take the time to be selfish and have your partner all to yourself before having the stress of kids.  But I’m 23 should I be worrying about this right now, am I too mature for my age?? 

Trying to tell myself relax and embrace this time as too soon it will be gone, but my anxiety builds up, thinking if I don’t make the steps now will it be too late. 

So for now here’s to the nights I will not waste sleeping, and days where I will do all I can to enjoy life as this period of my life is character building and life changing.

Kimona xx

Tate Mordern

It’s a Friday, no work and no college, what do you do so as not to waste the day?
So I thought I’d take a trip down to the Tate modern and take in some culture and see what would inspire me.

In particular I most liked the sculptures, but there were a good few paintings that also caught my eye.

I first went to the poetry and dream exhibition and greeted strait away by an odd piece. It had an unfinished feel to it as the main features that jumped out at me were the two stuff birds impaled to the wall and 5 pages that had become ink blobs. The artist wanted real life to meet fiction and the seemingly ink blobs were once pictures but when combined with water quickly disappeared. The birds were there to symbolise the death throes of imaginative freedom. Which I think comes together quite nicely with the life / friction juxtaposition.
Whilst walking around I didn’t stop at every piece but those that spoke to me and intrigued me. Many had some strong meanings whilst others were just an expression and the boldness of the artist trying something new.

One piece that I really like was in the material gestures display and the artist had 4 figures on a hill,  from afar you can distinguish what u see but up close it is distorted but this is the artist message ‘to distort to see clearly’.

Another piece I really liked was on entitled ‘the timid proud one’ in which the artist plays with the opposed duality concept in both the title and the painting itself. It’s about the inner struggle with one’s self. I think this was my favourite painting of the day.

One piece of art work that I found quite cleaver was not a sculpture nether a painting, but a unusual octagon shape stuck on the wall, which at first would blend in with the galleries wall until that is you notice it, and then it becomes un-doubtfully present. This was in the energy and process exhibition, but i feel it echoes life as in you can pass someone every day and they blend in with everyone else until that moment you notice them, then they stick out like a sore thumb.

I also quite liked a piece where the artist had taken a Childs crib and removed the slacks and replaced it with fine wire. The crib turned from being a place of comfort to be a confined claustrophobic prison. Comfort turned torture.

One piece that I thought was quite clever was almost like a 3d painting. It was on a canvas but had books opened all over with different pages coloured and some pages half there. This piece had a double meaning. It was a homage to a film but I liked the meaning where when a old person dies a whole library dies as well.  I like the fact that when you recall memories you sometimes forget detail which is what the half page books were symbolising. And the different Colour pages signify a different memory.

Overall I enjoyed my trip to the Tate and happy that I took the time to go. Life sometimes gets too busy to enjoy the beauty of art in its many forms and as a creative individual myself I like to see and hear what others create.

Kimona. xx